My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
