I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
