TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
