Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
