She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
