If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
