My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
