If that was your dad, he is hot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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