I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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