Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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