Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this boner is exhausting
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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