i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
