you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
