And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
