ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
