How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
