i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
