There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
