seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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