I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
