you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
