I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize