Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
BRING THE BAGELS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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