dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
