he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
