Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
