Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
