College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
