the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
