once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
