perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
