Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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