Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
