there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Green mimosas i think yes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
