Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
