just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
