Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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