Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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