Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
