You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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