Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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