No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
