dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
