and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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