Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
