Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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