for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
