Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
