I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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