oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
