Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize