hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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