Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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