Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize