I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
