life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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