Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
