Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Randomize
