nut hugger
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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