then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
