you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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