How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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