I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize