i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All the doctor said was why
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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