$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
