so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
