I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
