sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
