I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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