I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
