mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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