talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
