Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
