so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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